I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
