If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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