I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
