I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize