Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
