Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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