you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
