If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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