sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
