Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
