He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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