she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
high people should be assigned attendants
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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