I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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