i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
