I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
