there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
