He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Randomize
