Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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