thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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