can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
