Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
