i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
