i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize