just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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