I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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