Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
