You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
