Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
