Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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