Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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