I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
