If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a search helicopter?!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
