I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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