someone threw a dead crab at me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
