So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm too high and old for this...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
