I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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