so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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