Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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