Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
