Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
