i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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