I wish my penis had an off switch
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
