Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
