If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
