I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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