Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
