No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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