Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
