Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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