Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
