So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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