i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
