Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
