Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
