i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
