bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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