Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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