just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
