I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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