So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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