I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
