I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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