So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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