So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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