Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
