Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
