Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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